Shark Chronicles

Well, I suppose I should introduce myself as this is my very first blog post. So here goes…

Hey all! I am Kristen… wife to an amazing man, daughter of the best mom in the world, working mom to 4 rambunctious boys, stepmom, business woman and over all MOTHERFUCKING ROCKSTAR. And let me stop right here… if swearing is not your thing… I suggest you stop reading. This blog will be filled with real life stories, lessons learned along the way, humor and oh yeah… swearing (I mean… FUCK is my favorite word).

I love long walks on the beach… lol! Just kidding!!

I currently work full time while also building my business (Cano Collaborations-Digital Solutions) on the side. I can manage your social media, manage your email and build you a sales funnel at the same time.

I am addicted to coffee, chocolate and dark & twisty books. Majorly obsessed with Sons of Anarchy (Jax Teller… swoon). I love Gangsta Rap and hate Country music (well most of it… Garth Brooks is the man). I cannot go to Target without spending less than $30. We have 2 dogs, 2 cats, a gecko and a turtle. LOL!! It is a zoo most days.

Being the only girl in the house with 5 boys I swear it is like living in a frat house. The messes, and smells and the goddamn pee EVERYWHERE! Seriously… the pee is ridiculous!!!

My bed is my favorite place on earth and I consider cereal the perfect dinner.

Ok some real talk… Being a mom is tough. Being a wife is tough. Being a woman is tough. Building a business is tough.

Don’t get me wrong… all these things are wonderful too… but let’s be real. There is a lot of bad that happens behind the scenes that no one talks about.

Some days are great and everything falls into place. There are no meltdowns trying to leave the house to catch the bus on time. No phone calls from the school because someone needs you to bring them chapstick (true

And then some days are awful. On these days it feels like your world is falling apart. It feels like your world is spinning into chaos. You are in the center with no idea how to make it stop. I like to call those Blanket Fort days. Those are the days that I crawl under my favorite blankie and just go to sleep.

Anxiety with a dash of depression anyone?

These are the days to forbid yourself to be on social media. You are only going to see perfect families and perfect business women who have all their shit together. You will only see half the story.

And you may be thinking… what is up with the title The Shark Chronicles? Glad you asked…

You see I am 38 years old and entering the glorious time in womanhood that is peri-menopause. Oh and if you don’t know me… I can be a bit sarcastic. Peri-menopause is glorious? I think the FUCK not!

It is a time when your emotions are all over the place and the sharks are circling daily. Feeding on your uterus and brain. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. Cramps, bloating, tears, rage, headaches, backaches, fatigue… ohhh don’t get me started on the fatigue.

Oh and did you know it can last anywhere from 4-12 years? Ummm… what the fuck, right?

As I write this post… I had to pause to appease the sharks with some meds to alleviate the cramps. Cramps that come and go as they please. No real schedule.

I personally am struggling with the whole “getting older” thing. And I imagine many of you out there feel the same.

We should feel on top of the world. Kids are a little bit older, able to take care of themselves. We have a bit more free time to focus on ourselves, right? Not so fast says Mother Nature… let’s throw you some crashing fatigue and see how you manage.

Cue… maniacal laughing.

Seriously though, can a girl catch a break? We deal with becoming a woman, monthly periods, pregnancy and then throw in peri-menopause just for fun. Sure why the fuck not?

Anyway, it doesn’t seem like people are talking about this enough. “This” being the shit show that is “getting older” and all that comes with it. As angry as I get about aging…. it is not something to be ashamed of. EVERYONE GETS OLD! #fact

So… this blog will be safe place to vent and rant and discuss all things getting older, being a mom, being a woman, being a wife, being a business owner and being a BADASSS in general. There will be highs and lows, smiles and tears, lots of swearing, maybe some talk of sex and all things naughty too because why not… we may be aging but a girl has needs. LOL!

I hope to give you all a few laughs along the way and offer comfort in that you are not alone. Life can be hard. Getting older sucks ass and we ALL struggle with “all the things.” You got this!

Until next time… DON’T LET THE SHARKS WIN!